You have brokens up with your partner or you have fallen in love with someone who doesn't feel the way you do: Unrequited love hurts. This pain, the so-called lovesickness, can throw a person off track that he can no longer cope with his everyday life. But: You are not completely at the mercy of suffering, but can do something when you are lovesick. Tips to get over the other faster:
- Talking
to someone about it: Confide
in yourself to a friend or family member. It helps to get rid of your
grief and to be comforted. Accept help from those around you.
- Allowing
grief: Don't
play the strong one, at least not all the time. It's okay to let out
the sadness and anger once in a while. This helps to deal with the
heartache. Cry, listen to your favorite song up and down, watch love
movies or write letters to your ex (which you don't post). Listen to
yourself and do what is good for you. Lower the demands on yourself a
little, you may not even function perfectly.
- Looking
for a distraction: It
can help to find something that gets you thinking differently. Go to
a nice restaurant with friends, play sports or treat yourself to something
new to wear.
- Initiate
change: In
order to get rid of lovesickness, it can sometimes be useful to actively
open a new chapter in life. Break up the usual routines! For
example, renovate your apartment, try a new sport, travel or get a new
haircut.
- Imposing
a ban on contact: As
difficult as it may be for you, keep your distance from your
ex-partner. That means: do not call, do not write SMS or turn up
"by chance" in his local bars. If you make contact with him
or her even though you are still vulnerable, it will only intensify the
pain. You can't fight lovesickness like this. Only when you are
emotionally stable again should you contact your ex again - if you still
want to.
- Shaking
off the victim role: Even
if you don't believe it at this moment - you will survive the
heartache. Of course, you can initially be mad at the ex-partner who
doesn't love you back. But: There are always reasons for and against
a separation. And when you continuously become the victim, you make
yourself small and weak. If you see the break as an opportunity, then
joie de vivre and optimism will come back at some point.
- Meditate:Deal with your pain
calmly. This can help overcome lovesickness. You can meditate,
even if you normally don't, for example with an "anti-lovesick
mediation". To do this, find a quiet place, sit down and close
your eyes. Focus your attention on your heart and picture your ex or
crush. Then say to him aloud or in your mind: “I let go of
you. I'll set you and me free. ”Repeat this mantra until you start to
relax. You can also cry while doing it. When you are feeling
better, say, "May I be happy," until you breathe
calmly. Then repeat "May you be happy" until you feel better. Allow
about five minutes each day for meditation, preferably at a fixed
time. This is how you know you have a period of time to let your
grief through.
- Let
yourself be hypnotized: If you are lovesick, rely on hypnosis (allegedly) even stars
like Katy Perry. No wonder, because hypnosis is supposed to create a
state of deep relaxation in which you can visualize a positive end to a
negative situation - such as a breakup.
- Seek
professional help: If
lovesickness affects your health, a doctor can prescribe appropriate
medication (e.g. antidepressants or beta blockers). Throwing pills
for too long or without consulting a doctor for lovesickness is not
advisable. Some studies suggest that pain relievers such as ibuprofen
or paracetamol can alleviate mental pain. But in the long run they
can trigger various health problems (kidney damage, gastric and intestinal
bleeding, etc.). In addition, emotional distress also has its
purpose. Anyone who fades it out becomes dull and may lose social
contact more and more as a result.
If after eight weeks you are still suffering from lovesickness unabated,
therapy can help. Entrust yourself to a psychologist or get help from a
counseling center.
Lovesickness:
Symptoms that plague the "lovesick"
Everyone suffers differently when a love comes to an end or the other
person does not reciprocate the feelings. Some cry, others are angry, some
partying excessively, and still others withdraw. The typical signs of
lovesickness that can be observed quite often also include physical symptoms:
- Bad
sleep and trouble
sleeping
- Lack
of drive and motivation: People with lovesickness find it difficult to
bring themselves up to do or undertake something.
- Loss
of appetite: Many people no longer feel hungry when they are lovesick,
they hardly eat or only eat irregularly.
What exactly is the reason for this behavior has not been conclusively
clarified. However, researchers at the University of Tübingen found in
women that after a separation, the very areas of the brain that control the
areas of motivation, eating or sleeping behavior were barely active for a short
time.
A study by the Department of Psychology at the University of California
also suggests that lovesickness causes pain. It is very similar to the
physical pain we feel when we are injured. In addition, lovesickness
changes the hormone level: While the level of the happiness hormone serotonin
falls, the concentration of stress hormones such as adrenaline
increases. This makes you irritated, aggressive and stresses the heart, as
it reacts very sensitively to stress and hormone fluctuations.
What is lovesickness?
Everyone comes into contact with lovesickness at some point in their
life. There is hardly anyone who has not yet experienced
heartbreak. The causes of lovesickness can usually be summed up as
follows:
- The
separation (loss) from a loved one with whom there was a close emotional
bond.
- Unrequited
love can also make people suffer.
The meaning of lovesickness: An unhappy love affair creates emotional
pain. In psychology, lovesickness consists of four phases: denial,
emotional chaos, processing and reorientation, acceptance and regaining
balance.
Lovesickness: Men
react differently than women
The two sexes deal with lovesickness quite differently. Men tend to
drown their suffering in alcohol. They tend to become aggressive, which
can grow into stalking. They suppress the grief, often distracting
themselves by throwing themselves into work, party life, or sexual adventures.
Women, on the other hand, are more likely to get involved with their
feelings, often become depressed due to the pain of separation, resort to
medication, eat almost nothing or eat excessively. But they are also
easier to talk to those around them about lovesickness and are more likely to
seek professional help than men.
Lovesickness: Stages
of Suffering
Those who are lovesick are often unable to look at them
soberly. However, psychologists do this and divide heartache into four
phases.
1.
Denial: In this phase we do not want to admit that it is over and cling to
the hope that everything will be as it was before the breakup. We are in
shock and try to change the mind of the ex-partner. We make promises about
what and how we will change. We interpret every contact as a first step
towards repairing the relationship - even if the ex-partner only calls to ask
when he can pick up his things from the shared apartment.
2.
Emotional chaos: Now hope slowly fades and feelings break out. A roller
coaster ride out of sadness, anger, hate, despair and fear breaks out. We
doubt ourselves and believe that we cannot go on without our partner. This
is also the phase in which we sleep badly, hardly eat and think about nothing
but the fact that we cannot do it on our own. Towards the end of this
phase, anger prevails, we often feel revenge now because we feel that the
ex-partner has treated us unfairly.
3.
Process and re-orientate: things are getting better slowly. We still miss our partner,
but our thoughts no longer revolve around him and our anger. It is the
phase in which we begin to take stock of the relationship - often by talking
about it with close confidants. We no longer only see the good times, but
also the less good times with the ex-partner and his bad sides. Such an
"analysis" can be an opportunity to learn for the next relationship.
4.
Accept and find your balance again: It's done! We have come to
terms with the breakup, the relationship is history - and that's
okay. Sometimes we are still a little sad or angry, but generally our
thoughts and actions are directed towards the future. We have developed
new perspectives and can open up to new things.